Preaching Around The Bush
At the risk of triggering a Dixie Chicks-like backlash, I have to say that George W. Bush is an absolutely appalling public speaker. I’m not saying I necessarily agree or disagree with his policies – as a non-US Citizen (albeit a Permanent Resident) I’m fairly ambivalent to the whole U.S. politics thing – but he really cannot speak for toffee. Every time I’ve seen him on television, he has ummed, ahed, and erred (!) his way through his speech. (For a great example, see What’s Wrong With Bush?.) Despite almost always reading straight from his notes (or autocue) he delivers each speech as though this is the first time he has seen it – with a look of sheer bewilderment on his face. He pauses in all the wrong places, or finishes his sentence, then looks down at his script and realizes the sentence has more words in it, and tacks these on with a lack of enunciation that suggests he doesn’t even know what the words mean or why they’re there. He acts like someone who has been thrown into the spotlight for the first time, even though he’s been doing this for seven years, now! He dithers, and bumbles, and stalls, with absolutely no projection of confidence or conviction. No wonder America is floundering.
He should take a lesson from Joel Osteen. Osteen is the Pastor of the Lakewood Church in Houston, and he’s a great public speaker. Being non-Christian, I can’t say I wholly agree with what he is saying, but the way he says it is pretty convincing.
Lakewood Church (aparently the largest church in America – Houston is now #1 in more than just the girth of its populace!) is kind of a family concern. It was founded by Osteen’s father and mother, and when Osteen Sr. died, Joel took it over. Under the auspices of Osteen Jr., the congregation has quadrupled, forcing the church to move to bigger premises. These premises are – get this – a 16,000 seater stadium that was previously home to the Houston Rockets. With three weekend services (one Saturday night, two on Sunday) Lakewood sees some 45,000 asses on seats every week (and that’s not not counting the extra Wednesday service in case you find yourself flagging mid-week). There’s very few rock bands who could manage that week in, week out, in the same city. But Joel Osteen does just that – by being a great speaker. Listen to him and you’ll notice that he never puts a word wrong – every sentence is clear, concise, and perfectly honed to emphasize whatever point he is making. There’s not an umm or aah to be heard. There’s no waffle, no skirting around the issue: it’s just pure content. Effective communication at its best.
If Bush could talk like Osteen, he’d have America eating out of his hand, and the United States would be a respected World Power again. Actually, now I think about it, Osteen would make a great politician. It’s been said that politics is the art of getting people to do what you want them to do, and making them believe they wanted to do it. If that is true, then Osteen is an absolute artist. Osteen could probably raise taxes by 10% and still have people thank him for it. Come to think of it, he’s already doing that…
Tithing is a common practice over here. This involves donating a portion of your income to your church. A figure of 10% of your (gross) income is common (it’s apparently mentioned in the Bible, and that’s difficult to argue against…). You can even get your payments transferred directly from your employer to your church, so you never see it (and therefore, the theory goes, won’t even miss it). So that’s a 10% deduction, on top of income tax, Medicaid and whatever else, it’s all ‘voluntary’, and no-one is complaining about it. That’s some good politics, right there!
Now think back to Lakewood’s congregation. You’ve got at least 45,000 people donating, at 10% each – no wonder Osteen took $60.17 millions in ‘offerings’ alone in the last financial year. And it’s all tax free! Lakewood, in common with all churches in America (save those in Modesto, California, where the tax man got wise to the scam), is a registered charity, and is therefore not liable for tax on its ‘earnings’, even though it is clearly a business. (Lakewood had revenues of $88.3 millions in the 2006/7 ‘tax year’ alone – you try telling me that’s not big business.) Sure, Osteen will probably pay income tax on the portion of his personal salary (paid out of this) that is not already tax exempt (which his ‘housing allowance’, all his expenses, etc. are) but as the top ‘executives’ at Lakewood receive an annual salary of $200,000 I’d guess he can afford to. And I bet he’s not paying Tithing…
But that’s not the half of it. When you pay income tax, you get national security, an (admittedly very basic) healthcare system, police, public libraries, and so on. You pay tithing, and what do you get? Nothing. A smug feeling of self-satisfaction and a promise of eternal glory when you die, but that’s about it. Politicians get called to task when they promise something (lower tax, a reduction in crime rates, more university places) and then don’t deliver. But what about the churches? They don’t actually promise anything that can be measured, so they can never be seen to be ‘underdelivering’ and therefore can never be called to task. Bush lacks the charisma to get people to part with their money even if he could show them what they would get for it. Osteen can get people to part with their money (again and again, every week) without anyone even asking for proof of what they’re paying for. What a politician!
Again, I have nothing against George W. Bush (apart from his obvious lack of diction). I also have nothing against Christianity per se (one of the people I most admire is a very devout Christian). I’m just highlighting (as a professional communicator myself) the (Dollar) value of good communication skills. Infer what thou willst.
“Remember, there is a big difference between
kneeling down and bending over”
Frank Zappa, Heavenly Bank Account
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