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Dress Code: Indifference

11 February, 2008

When I left Europe last year, as part of my move-induced personal property purge, I threw out seven or eight suits that had seen better days.  A couple of these had worn out years previously, I just couldn’t bear to part with them (hey, these were all Paul Smith, and I was very attached to them).  But the others all seemed to wear out around the same time (regardless of how long I’d had them for), and all in the same place (the arse).  It took me a while to figure this out, but I think it was caused by my wallet in my back pocket rubbing against the particularly abrasive office chairs they gave us (apparently very ergonomic, but with seats made of some industrial-grade plastic mesh).  It’s not like my wallet is even particularly thick – two credit cards and my driver’s license, and that’s about it.  It never has any money in it because I can’t manage to hold onto money long enough to justify the time and effort of getting my wallet out of my back pocket every time I have to shell out for something.

Last week I was in Manchester (England) again.  When I was packing, I was flipping through my few remaining suits deciding which ones to take, when I thought that I’d maybe dress down a bit instead.  I’ve noted from my previous trips that the Manchester office is a little more ‘casual’, so I figured “when in Rome…”.  It also saved me having to worry about creasing my suits up in a suitcase (I don’t know why they call them suitcases, as they are entirely unsuited to transporting suits…).  So Monday morning I stroll in in a pair of Banana Republic chinos, a ‘casual’ work shirt, no tie (I even unbuttoned the top two buttons of my shirt (steady, girls!)), and a pair of Doc Marten shoes on my feet.  I thought I’d fit in like a local, but I still got stared at like I was some kind of conservative square.  I was entirely overdressed for the office – I may as well have worn a tuxedo for all I fitted in.  Looking around, I realized that if I’d wanted to blend in, I should have kept on the clothes I’d travelled over in: a pair of distressed Levi’s (all the more distressed from 11 hours worth of flights) and a T-shirt with a big wine stain down the side of it from where the fat idiot next to me had knocked over the first of his many complimentary drinks whilst maneuvering his ample arse around the extra-wide-but-evidently-still-inadequate business-class seat.

Jeans are pretty commonplace in the Manchester office, as are ‘vintage’ (read: faded, with a fake logo printed on it) T-shirts for the guys, and skin-tight fat-ripple-showing tops for the girls.  And, apparently, thongs.  (Nothing speaks class like having your thong poking out above the waistband of your jeans when you lean over your desk…)  And it doesn’t stop at the clothes, either.  Bizarre hairstyles (or at least the ‘unkempt’ look – which probably took half an hour to do in the morning) and dodgy facial hair are almost de rigeur (the latter thankfully mostly on the men, but there’s a couple of Eastern-Europeans who could do with a waxing).  There’s one guy (‘biker dude’) who waltzed in in his sunglasses (despite it being uniformly overcast outside) and a short-sleeved T-shirt (despite it being bleedin’ cold) just so we can all admire his full-sleeve tattoos.  And there’s enough ear- nose- and lip-rings on display to put Dennis Rodham to shame.

No-one seems to dress for work anymore.  Everyone looks as though they just dragged on whatever they found on the floor of their bedsit (or they were still wearing…) when they woke up that morning, without regard to whether or not it was appropriate (or even clean).  There’s no distinction between what they’d wear to work and what they’d wear when going down the pub, or to the football, or scavenging on the local landfill.  Maybe it’s just me, but I just don’t like to wear my ‘regular’ clothes to the office.  I find the acts of getting dressed for work in the morning, and changing when I get home, to be nice transition points between the two lives.  I get home, change into my shorts and a t-shirt, and leave work in my wardrobe along with my suits.  I find it easier to switch off, that way.  Maybe it’s just my way of dealing with the schizophrenia of shifting between being a well-paid professional and being a regular guy, and of keeping the two worlds entirely separate.

I asked someone in Manchester, “So what’s the dress code, here?”  They looked at me, puzzled.  “What, like a password or summat?”  I gave up and asked one of the managers instead, who informed me that officially it was “business casual”.  Maybe they should also have specified exactly which business, because most of the people seem to be dressing for a career in the roadie or groupie business (and not necessarily split between the two options along gender lines…).

What on earth do they do on Casual Fridays??  There’s nowhere left to go.  Maybe a dressing gown and slippers?  Or they could completely remove the distinction between home and office and lounge around in their underwear – assuming they still bother to wear any.  Not that I’ve ever seen the point in Casual Fridays, myself.  Here in Houston we can officially wear blue jeans or a Hawaiian shirt (but absolutely not both together) on Fridays.  But what’s the point?  Why should Fridays be any different?  It’s not like you’re doing anything different to what you’re doing for the other four days of the week: “Well, Fridays we generate the weekly performance statistics, and I really need to be wearing comfortable pants to do that…”.

I’m all for people being comfortable at work, and I know it’s not strictly necessary to wear a suit when you’re sat in a call center where you’ll never see a paying customer, but I still think there should at least be a general impression of professionalism in the workplace.  Maybe it’s all part of what’s wrong with Britain these days.  There’s no respect, no sense of decorum, no pride.  Everyone’s an individual, and there’s no communal pressure to dress, or act, appropriately.  Dressing the way you want is now a right, and doing otherwise is selling your soul to ‘the man’.  Never mind the fact that your Nikes are more tools of corporate globalization and oppression than a pair of hand-made Church’s…

Having said all that, this last trip to Manchester has made me reconsider my personal dress code, and I’m thinking of giving up on the suits at last.  But instead of just going ‘business casual’ like the rest of them, I’m going to take the opportunity of a wardrobe change to entirely unburden myself from the need to conform to either corporate attire, or the Manc’s loose interpretation of business casual.  In doing so, I’m also going to take one decision out of my day and free up the creative part of my brain for more valuable activities than deciding which tie goes best with which shirt, by wearing the same thing to work every single day.  Not the same exact piece of clothing (which would perhaps be a little unhygenic after a while), but clothing that looks exactly the same.  And the thing that would best achieve this is one of those nice blue ‘Mao suits’ that the Chinese all wore during the cultural revolution.  As soon as I can find one to fit a 6’3″ frame, and with a reinforced arse, I’ll be sorted!  Oh, the irony of it all: personal expression through dress that was supposed to remove any semblance of individuality from an entire society.  Power to the person!

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Comments

Comment from Guest_1069
Time 20 February 2008 at 5:28 PM

You do realise you’ll probably never be able to show your face in Manchester again!? (No interrobang on my pc)

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