Year: 2005
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“But what do I do with my old ’78s?”
I just bought myself a new turntable (that’s a ‘gramophone’ to you, Grandad). My old one (an Ariston Q Deck) had stopped working (actually it never started working again after a 10-year hiatus in storage) and although I haven’t bought any vinyl in years (not that anywhere sells it any more even if I wanted to) I do have a sizeable collection of vinyl albums (also fresh out of storage) that I didn’t want to give up on just yet. Finding a new deck in the first place was hard enough. None of the high-street electrical / home entertainment stores… Read more
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Devaluing the family jewels
Yesterday, one of my schoolboy fantasies finally came true and I found myself naked on a bed while two nurses (actually, a nurse and a female doctor) attended to my nether regions. Unfortunately, as I was in hospital getting a vasectomy, my fantasy rapidly came to a screeching halt – just about the time they stuck the first needle into my kibbles and bits. That said, the whole operation was done under local anaesthetic, was entirely pain-free and took less than half an hour from pants off to pants on again. Today, apart from feeling like I’ve been kicked in… Read more
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“I have one word for you…plastic.”
Outside of my office block there are a couple of uncomfortable-looking, ugly, grey concrete benches that seem to have been provided for the sole purpose of giving the smokers somewhere to sit during their frequent company-sanctioned absences from work. Not being a smoker, I’ve never taken advantage of them, but now that the weather has warmed up a little, I thought I’d go and sun myself after lunch (and get skin-cancer at the same time I get lung-cancer from passive smoking…). As I sat down, however, I make a startling discovery – they are not concrete at all! They are… Read more
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Protect Me I’m Stupid
I work for a company that prides itself on its safety-conscious attitude. This is generally a good thing, but sometimes they can push it too far. Case in point: I recently had a run-in with one of their over-zealous, self-appointed ‘safety enforcers’. It was about 7am and I was just going into work. I crossed the car park, stepped over the grass verge, and cut across the road to the building. I’d barely reached the other side when a voice behind me boomed “Use the crossing!” Admittedly, the crossing was only 5 meters further up the road, but this is… Read more