A-courting we will go
And I thought that getting my car fixed would be the end of it….
As I mentioned in a previous post, the guy who hit my car was given a citation by the police. This is basically a ticket, and he has the choice of paying a fine, or (because this is the free world) he can contest it. Obviously, because his father is an Attorney, he decided to contest it. Generally, if you’re guilty and don’t have a chance of getting away with it, you contest it, because if the arresting officer or any of the witnesses don’t turn up at court, the case is dismissed. So my guess is that Osborne was obviously hedging his bets in that direction.
Unluckily for him, I was one of the witnesses, and I had every intention of turning up. Actually, I didn’t really have a choice, because I was subpoenaed. This wasn’t nearly as exciting as TV had led me to believe. I had expected someone like Dog The Bounty Hunter to leap out from behind a bush and press the papers into my hand before I knew what was happening, before running off shouting “Consider yourself served, motherfucker!”. But as it was, it was just mailed to me, and I would have missed it altogether had I not been trying to wade through the pile of paperwork my wife had dumped on my desk.
Anyway, yesterday the court date came around, and I went along to see what I could do in the name of justice. When I got there, I was disappointed to see that this was basically traffic court, and not like the Supreme Court or anything - no judges in wigs, no court artist doing poor portraits (I think the same people do those street portraits when they’re not in court), no TV cameras, no nothing. In fact, it was the same court room that I was in for my last ticket. But this time I was on the other side of the aisle. It’s like a wedding, when you walk in, but instead of asking “Bride, or Groom?” you get asked “Scumbag, or Law-abiding Citizen?” (I’m paraphrasing, slightly).
About two minutes before the scheduled start time, the father/attorney turns up. He glances round the room, and then walks up to me. “You’re the guy who was involved in the car accident with my son, aren’t you?” Not difficult to work out - I was the only other white face in the room. “Your car’s been repaired, right? Your insurance company took care of it?”. “Well, your insurance company did…” I retorted. He ignored the comment, and continued to explain that his son was “away at college” and therefore unable to attend (hell, if I can take the time off work, I’m sure he can take the afternoon off playing beer pong…). He was therefore going to ask for the case to be dismissed, because everything had been “resolved”, and said that if the judge agreed, and I agreed, then that would be the end of it, and we could all go home. The freaking cheek of it! “That’s what most people do”, he added, clearly unaware that in no way do I consider myself to be “most people”. I gave him a noncommital “Right”, and he went off to see the judge.
Although I couldn’t hear everything that the judge was saying, she was kind enough to raise her voice when she said pointed out to Mr Osborne that she didn’t see why she should make an exception “just because you are an Attorney”. Evidently it was not going well for poor Mr. Osborne. After a few more minutes of head-shaking by the judge, Mr Osborne was asked to go back and sit down, where he sat on the other side of the court (that would be the “scumbag” side), giving me the old stink-eye. The judge then called me up, announcing me as “the witness for the State”, which sounded very grand. She explained what Osborne was asking for, and said that “the State” (personified as a large, African-American woman sat on one side of the Judge) was disinclined to accommodate him. She asked me what I thought, and I replied that I didn’t intend on doing Osborne any favors whatsoever, as he had been extremely difficult over the insurance claim. I was dismissed (after all of five minutes), and Osborne was called up to receive the bad news.
Osborne apparently didn’t take the news too well, as he snapped “Fine! Well I want a trial by jury, then.” This is a common-enough request, but I hope for his sake that Mr. Osborne can make himself a bit more personable by then, because clearly the Judge thought him as much of a shitbag as I did. She issued Osborne Jr. with a ‘failure to appear’ citation to add to his driving citation (bonus!), and insisted that Osborne Sr. pay a bond just in case Jr. decides not to show again (it gets better!).
Clearly unamused at the outcome, Osborne Sr. turned round and stormed out of the room. As he passed me, he looked over and barked “See you next time!”. I gave him a cheery smile and a Macca-style thumbs up, and replied “I’ll be here!”, which may not have been the best rejoinder, but it did have the desired effect of making Mr. Osborne go an even deeper shade of purple (”Apoplexy”, I think it’s called on the color charts…).
So, I’m still not able to put all of this to bed, now having a real jury trial to look forward to. Actually, I could have put it to bed if I’d just agreed to drop the case, but now it’s personal (and highly entertaining…). Besides, I get to learn a bit more about the American justice system, which could come in handy should I find myself on the other side of the aisle again, at any stage in the future…
 E-mail this article to a friend |
 Print this article
|
September 10th, 2009 at
There isn’t a jury in the world that will see it his way. They will all be VERY annoyed that he wasted THEIR time trying to defend his son for being a schmuck. Ask any lawyer who defends traffic violations, and he/she will tell you to never ask for a jury trial. I think he’s just extending this thing in the hopes that you, the Witness for the State (the Great State of Texas), will not show up a second time. If you can afford the second day, show up and watch how fast he tries to cop a plea for his son.